Have you ever just looked into the mirror and thought .... My God who is she? I am faced with this now. Married so long. Never saw it coming. Your so happy, its all so new and exciting. Then baby after baby come. Yet so happy. I drempt of that life since I was a little girl. I was a kid of the 1960's ... I mean that's what little girl thought they should be. Never realized ... I .... Kind of never existed. No ... I was my parents daughter, then With love I became a little boys mother. Then, I was a young wife. Oh so very young. By the time I was 22 years old I was a wife a.mother of 4 children. Then by 28 I had my last child ... Number 6. I love them all each in a special way. Life was never easy when you start young. Yet to the young they think they are invincible ... Invincible ... What a terrible word! I can speak from great and painful experience, we are not invincible. I was 37 years old. My husband of 23 years and I went out and bought a great new propane bar b Que. We drove together and picked up our new photographs at Costco. He smiled so much at the pictures. One photo of us, he loved, I as most women found many flaws in myself . Yet, I see him smile. He was very happy. A day like most days, never perfect when you have so many children, and 4 of our six were teenagers! Need I say more? He goes off for a work dinner. I guess it was 3:00 a.m. give or take. There it was ... That knock on the door that NO ONE, male or female ever wants to ever hear. Just like that, in a matter of moments, I stood there. What? I remember saying what more then once. I had it all figured out, right? I was my parents daughter, I was a mother to six children, I was his wife, right? That's who I am ... Right? Right, please someone agree with me ... That's who I AM! I excused myself from the room. I went into OUR bedroom. I pressed a towel over my whole face and pressed it as hard as I could ... And that's when I started to scream. There were no words I could form. No no no .... That man was my husband. No they made some kind of mistake. But my screams in that towel, oh that was really only the beginning. Is my name now, Widow? I went full circle that night. I would never be the same. As a child I would climb the family tree in the yard. I would climb as high as i could. I would press my cheek hard into the bark of the tree, and i closed my eyes and felt the wind on my face. There was no sound, no kids or dogs darling. I was alone and I would feel that wind blowing onto my face. It felt like a whisper. I am a Windspirit. I never saw it or knew what i was feeling. Now ... I understand it. It was a hot summer night, I had to take the garbage out to the street. We had a very long driveway. No lights, private. It must have only been 5 or 6 weeks after he was ripped away from me. I stood in that total darkness, alone. I turned my face up to the sky, I took a slow deep breath in and trying to hold in my screams I felt it. A strong cool breeze blew over my face and body. I opened my eyes and the moon was just off to the side and these clouds were lightly blowing around the moon. The air felt so cool, but with the breeze ... I again closed my eyes and it felt just as if I felt his wonderful strong yet tender hand lightly glide over my cheeks. I quietly cried out to God, Jose, oh dear Lord please let this be my husbands touch. I just stood there that night alone in the dark street and i cried. I never wanted to leave. I cried out "can you see me baby, I love you, please, please never leave my side". As long as i AM force to live here on Earth .... No one will take that night from me. I AM a Wind Spirit, all me crazy, lonely ... But the wind has always brought me great comfort.